Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Ockham's Razor

"The explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory"

or, more simply:

"All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the right one"

September 11 conspiracy theorists, or quacks, as I like to call them, would have us believe that the United States government spent millions of dollars of taxpayer money to create a very elaborate day of terror, in order to justify the war on the Taliban and subsequent war with Iraq. The logistic immensity of a plot like this is hard to fathom. The number of people who would have been involved would have been huge. Yet not one has come forward and nothing has leaked out that proves this "theory".

For some reason, the quacks think that the intricate planning of a government gone horribly awry is a more viable explanation of the events of that day than one involving 19 hijackers simply boarding planes and flying them into buildings.

What's wrong with this picture? What has happened to us as a society that we are so horribly cynical about what our leaders are capable of? Are we that spoiled with riches that we can indulge ourselves with the belief that heads of free states are capable of atrocities like this? Come ON folks! We need to get a collective GRIP on ourselves here. We aren't college students sitting in a dorm room smoking pot, spouting the shit that comes from the delusions of grandeur filling our heads about how the prior generation is fucked, knows nothing, is ruining the world but we'll do so much better. We sit safely in our living rooms at night without a legitimate concern that our house will be blown up while we sleep. We go to the corner market to buy readily available food that will be thrown in the trash when we realize that we cooked too much. We can write blogs like this one without fear of recrimination or persecution. We have luxury and freedom in abundance and we take that for granted each and every day. And maybe that's our problem. What's the saying? Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime? We've been handed the fish of liberty and don't respect it because we haven't worked for it. We didn't reel it in. So now, just because President Bush calls APEC, OPEC, confuses nucular and nuclear and has unpopular views on abortion and gay marriage, some feel justified in accusing him of being the worst terrorist alive. We should be ashamed.

The government didn't plan what happened 6 years ago today. Osama did. Ockham was right, it really is that simple. Everyone who believes otherwise needs The Beats!

Friday, September 07, 2007

What do you call 300 lawyers at he bottom of the sea?

A good start.

Ok - I know - that joke is old and tired and terribly unoriginal. But when the cement shoes fit... One recent personal experience and one current news event have me itching to tell endless reams of lawyer jokes.

My husband is a lawyer (by training only). I don't hate him, to be clear. And I don't hate the good ones either. The ones with whom I have trouble with are the ones who should be having significant difficulty looking at themselves in the mirror every night.

I won't use real names here because I don't know what kind of shady business these guys are involved in and I want no connection to or repercussion from that cadre of criminals.

We renovated our house. The project ended over a year ago but we have spent the intervening time battling with our original millworker over monies he claims we owe him. You see, we fired his lazy, incompetant ass after he repeatedly failed to deliver product that even remotely passed for complete, let alone, of adequate quality. He promptly placed a lien on our house. We had given him plenty of chances to get us what we deserved and he failed every time. So we fired him. Properly and fairly. Fired him. As in, pick up your tools and get the fuck out of the house that we've already spent way too much on and waited too long for.

At the onset of the lawsuit - I really believed this was a no brainer. I laughed when I saw their claim for amounts in excess of the originally contracted price. I confidently scoffed when our lawyer first suggested we offer a "walk away" settlement of $0 apeice. I cringed when I heard we were going to have to go through the motions of a pretrial. I puked when that failed to deter them and we ended up in mediation. And I postively, absolutely, full-on shit myself when I heard, just yesterday, that our contractors are now going to end up settling prior to our scheduled trial; resulting in a payment to this wretch in the amount of $80K. How did this happen? Two words: his slimeball, scumbag, fat, overly-arrogant, cock-sucking, peice of shit-lawyer, "PS". I'm so mad I can't even write any more. There is really nothing more to say on this topic. Besides - I have something else to rant about.

Nicole Kish is apparently a "good kid". That's according to her defense attorney, John Scarfe. I'll name him as he's already been called out by the press. A "good kid"? My idea of a "good kid" is one who makes her bed, eats her green beans and does her homework. A "good kid" doesn't stab someone multiple times because he didn't hand over his spare change. Ross Hammond is dead. He didn't like being harassed while on vacation. I don't blame him. I live in this sometimes fine city and don't like being confronted by panhandlers who feel that they deserve to get handouts from me for no good reason either.

I appreciate that John Scarfe has a job to do. He is a defense attorney and he needs to provide the best service he can to his client. But since when does and should that include going the extra mile to rub salt in the wounds of the victims? Can you imagine how they would feel waking up to see the picture on the front page of the Toronto Sun? The one that depicts a jovial Nicole, rushing into the arms of her waiting family as she is released on bail? What do you think they would give for just ONE MORE hug from Ross? When does HE get bail? To add insult to greivous injury, do they need to hear that Nicole is a "good kid"? What about Bruce and Connie Hammond's "good kid"?

My stomach now fully churning, my mind furiously whirling I have to end this blog. PS and John Scarfe, how do you sleep at night knowing that you work to improve the lives of the undeserving? How can you look at yourselves and be happy with your lives, knowing full well that you need The Beats?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Kenneth Foster: Update -- He Will Live!

Earlier today, Governor Rick Perry of Texas commuted the death sentence for Kenneth Foster.

I am relieved to say that in this situation, no one currently needs The Beats!

Don't be caught driving in Texas!

You know, I've always been a bit conservative in my political views; my husband has even referred to me as "Attila the Hun". Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age, but I have to say that the death, scheduled for 6pm CT today, of Kenneth Foster has me rethinking my previously firm pro-death penalty stance.

I'm all for putting the juice to social deviants like Robert Picton, Jeffry Dahmer, Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy. They committed multiple crimes of an extremely haenous nature. But what did Kenneth Foster do? He drove a car ladies and gentlemen, he drove a car. Was he an accessory to murder? Yes. Was he an accessory to 2 other armed robberies that occurred the same night? Yes. Should he be punished for those offences? Yes. But should he be put to death?

In Texas, the "law of parties" allows for Kenneth's punishment to match that of the actual killer, who was put to death last summer.

So later today, unless two unlikely things happen, Kenneth will be put to death by lethal injection. First, the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles would need to uphold Kenneth's appeal and make a recommendation to Governor Perry to commute his sentence. This has only happened twice in the history of the board. Second, Governor Perry would have to commute the sentence. During his time in office, he has been asked to do this only once and he denied that request.

We in the "west" like to believe that we are free of the incivilities of lesser developed nations. We impose heavy economic and military sanctions on countries who we believe are committing grave human rights violations. But today, our "civil" society will kill a man whose crime pales beside his punishment. This should weigh heavy on our collective consciousness.

My husband asked me if I would trade a theoretical death sentence for Robert Picton (in favour of life in prision, no chance of parole) for Kenneth Foster's commutation. I would. Given that trade, I have to ask myself if I woud trade the deaths of all truly guilty parties to have the lives of all of the innocent or undeserving back. I would.

I really wish that this situation would force people to look at this issue more closely but I doubt it will. Kenneth Foster will be put to death later today while America eats, watches TV and argues about who left the cap off the toothpaste. And life will go on - but not for him.

If Kenneth Foster dies tonight, we all need The Beats.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Canadian Justice???

The recent case involving the kidnapping of two young boys has me reaching for my vomit bag. The facts of the case are repulsive enough but what makes this so much worse is the fact that the Crown Attorney and Judge in this case recently accepted a plea from the defendant (Peter Whitmore). This plea entitles him to NOT be classified as a dangerous offender. The consequence of this lack of classification entitles him to be eligible for parole in 6 years.

6 years.

One of his victims will still be a minor in 6 years.

That's right folks. This man, who has served somewhere between 5 and 10 years ALREADY for separate sex crimes against minors, who on his PRIOR release said he was likely to re-offend will be eligible for parole in 6 measly years.

To top this off - I learned today that the defendant himself is currently seeking chemical castration. Not ONLY that, but he asked for this procedure upon his release from prison but it never happened as a doctor was not found who would prescribe the relevant medications and take him into his care.

What is wrong with this picture? The man himself says he'll re-offend. He's always maintained he would re-offend. But we let him free anyhow. What did he do? He kidnapped and held hostage two young boys who will now never have the lives they were entitled to. He says he can't control his urges. But we still sit idly on our hands, not doing what we can to save additional boys from the hell this monster can create.

While Peter Whitmore deserves to be strung up by his balls and stoned, in this case, it is the presiding Crown Attorney and Judge who need The Beats!

Vick, you prick.

I suppose it's a bit obvious, my current selection of Michael Vick as someone Who Needs The Beats. I guess that's why it had to be done.

Dog fighting is cruel, ugly and shameful. The poor animals used in this form of "entertainment" have no say, have no options and have no recourse. The trust that they have put in the humans that refuse to care for them is thrown in the trash, just as they themselves will be should they lose their fight.

I won't watch another football game, ever, should this asshole be allowed back in the league. I hope they do the right thing in this case.

Michael Vick, for preying on creatures who have given you nothing but love and affection you do not deserve, you need MORE THAN The Beats!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Mentos and Diet Coke

Ok. What kind of genius watches videos on YouTube of guys exploding 2L bottles of Diet Coke and Mentos and then decides to conduct the same experiment within the confines of his own body?

Go to the following link and find out:


Buddy, not only are you a complete freaking idiot, but ... you need The Beats!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Take THAT you lazy fuck!

Some people are hard working. Some people are reliable. Some people don't take your money and then fail to do the work they promise to.

"AS" is a person who does NOT fall into the above noted "some people" category.

AS runs a ski shop in the winter. In the summer, he paints, builds decks, does odd jobs and cruises Wasaga beach looking for 15 year olds to share the 3 tins of Heineken he's carrying around in a plastic bag. In short - he's a real class act.

2 months ago, I paid him a reasonable sum of money to do some things around our house. To date - he's done very little.

Although I should clarify that I've been down this road before. He has pulled the "ask for money up front to get the materials" stunt on one previous occasion. And what's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Well this time I've learned my lesson. Buy as much Heinie as you can with that cash buddy and make it last. You'll get no more from me.

AS, you are a beer guzzling, woman oogling, lazy ass .... and you need The Beats!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

WANTED: Dead or Alive!

Height: 5'3" (with arms in air and platform shoes on feet)
Weight: Who knows? He's throwing it around all the time.
Hair color: Black - frequently styled in an UN-fashionable bouffant-style "up-do"
Bad Habits: Drinking Hennessy VSOP with his corrupt political allies - that is, when he's not kidnapping film directors and their girlfriends.
Famous quote: "I know I'm an object of criticism in the world, but if I am being talked about, I must be doing the right things".
Wanted for: Holding Asia hostage while he tries to show the rest of the world how big his penis is. In short: for being a Thermonuclear Dickweed.

Kim Jong-Il ... not only are you one ugly fucker, but you need The Beats!